We’ve all seen it. The reply in the comment section that just says “*you’re”. The memes that implore anyone who mixes up the subtleties of there, they’re, and there to shoot their dog, move to the woods, and live in exile for the duration of their lives meditating on the intricacies of the English language. My personal favourite is the notion that the Oxford comma is somehow a divisive moral issue, and “You can have my Oxford comma when you pry it from my cold, dead, hands.”
But I don’t care. I care about my grammar. That’s me caring about me and the way that I write stuff. Grammar is my jam, except when it isn’t. But yours? Anyone else’s? In an era where everything has a comment section open to people globally, and those people are responding on crazy future devices that fill in their words predictively? Where chatspeak and emoticons convey messages quickly, and when different contexts have their own lexicon of shortforms and phrases that carry meaning? Worrying about other people’s grammar seems about as worthwhile as worrying about their fashion.
It’s pedantic
Correcting the grammar of others puts us in the role of their grade school teacher, laboriously trying to educate tiny children and going over their comments with a red pen. What matters isn’t clarity or impact, it’s structure, we say. What matters is that the writer put the right combination of letters in the right place. Correcting the grammar of others makes us better than them in the tiniest of tiny ways. After all, we paid attention in school, and we take the necessary time and care with our own words, as well as understanding that should we accidentally mix up “Your” and “You’re” while texting in the bath, the only course of action is to die with honour on the blade of a loved one. Unquestionably. Correcting people who don’t ask for correction, on things that don’t matter, is literally the hallmark of pedantry.
It’s derailing
That “*they’re” is the mark of someone being a pedantic jerk, but more than that, it’s the mark of someone who doesn’t actually care about what’s being said. What matters is clarity, not grammar. We want to understand language. Ideally, in order to correct someone’s grammar you have to understand what they’re saying.That comment says “I read and understood you, and cared to reply, but did not actually care to address you in any way.” It’s basically the essence of derailing comments, when we’ll only listen if someone says things in the way that we want them said. It’s no different than “I’d be more inclined to listen if you were less angry” which, as you know, always makes people less angry. Corrections like this invalidate what the speaker is saying on the basis of structure rather than content, when the content is what matters.
It’s a bit colonial
I’m a native English speaker, and I spend most of my time on the English end of the internet, which is a lot of the internet. However, there are only around 335 million native English speakers in the world. That is tiny. TINY. Even if we add the amount of people who speak it as a second language, that barely pushes the number above ten percent of the world’s population. There is a school of thought that says that improper grammar in a response is a mark of carelessness, but that’s an assumption that native speakers make when the odds are very good that the answer might be that the commenter isn’t a native English speaker (if it is your sacred duty to correct non-native speakers, please see the point about pedantry). It says “If you’re going to come to my side of the internet, learn to speak my language!” Which is bullshit. Especially when they’re speaking it just fine. And yes, they want to come to our side of the internet. English speaking media is a dominant force in the world. Most kickass video games are released in English first. Seriously, just try getting a copy of the D&D Player’s Handbook in Brazilian Portuguese. It is expensive and a pain in the ass.
It doesn’t help
Unless you’re posting corrections on a grammar site, or in a reddit thread where people are asking you to proof their work, corrections like that are probably unwelcome. Very few people, I think, are posting about their cool new haircut, puppy, or puppy haircut hoping that someone will take time out of their precious day to correct them on the fact that “Hair” isn’t a countable noun. When that happens, it in no way improves their lives or their grammar, it just publicly shames them and tells them there are jerks in the world.
It is fruitless
Language changes. “Selfie” is a word now. “Ain’t” is a word. “Literally” can now also mean “Figuratively”. Transformations in language are based on how speakers use it, and no amount of movement toward any static standard has ever worked. Grammar is changing. The way that we use words is changing. It has always been so and will ever be. Some people wear the badge of “Grammar Nazi” with pride, but like all other nazis, they are hopefully a dying breed.
Since I gave up caring about other people’s grammar, my life is happier. I’m less of a jerk on the internet. I enjoy posts by regular people a bit more. I haven’t stopped taking pleasure in an elegant turn of phrase, I’ve just stopped indicting people who don’t muster one. I’ve stopped making up reasons why people are saying things wrong, and instead get to spend more time listening to them.
Grammar: who gives a fuck?
