We shared Amanda Palmer’s TED talk “The Art of Asking” in our roundup a while back, but it’s remained something I wanted to expand on. In it, she talks about how much of her success and her ability to do what she loves is due to asking for thing. Places to sleep, pianos to practice on, food for her band, you name it. She tries to really connect with people and it’s through these connections that she feels comfortable asking. And they respond. Not everyone, but enough. As someone who’s done a lot of asking, this video hit pretty hard with me.
I’ve written about asking before, in the context of asking and telling, but asking and the art of it has become a much larger part of my life since then. In that post I wrote about how it’s better to ask than to tell when it comes to exercising authority, because once you’ve told someone, you can’t then go back and ask them. But if you ask them, you run the risk of them declining. And it’s a risk worth taking. Amanda Palmer has taken that to a whole new level during her career.
Asking is hard though, it means being vulnerable. It means admitting that you don’t have something or that you might need, whether it’s a place to sleep, a meal, or t-shirts for an event. In her talk, Amanda Palmer makes a case for the value of that vulnerability though, and for how it can help build communities. We live in a world where asking is easier than ever, from companies or artists asking their communities to help fund projects on sites like Kickstarter and Indiegogo to entrepreneurs in developing countries asking for help on Kiva.org. Facebook campaigns, Twitter campaigns, third party charity events, there are so many ways to ask for help.
The down side of making asking so easy is that we can become inundated with asks, and we ignore them. I remember a time before spam filters, where your real email would get lost in the shuffle of penis enlargement offers, chain letters and ways to promote your website, along with the occasional stock tip. Even if all the causes are great, you can only kick so many things or loan so much money. It’s a tough economy.
In part, that’s what intrigues me about Amanda Palmer framing asking as an art. The art is in understanding how to ask for what people can give, not just funds, but time, talent, or a piano. The art of asking is about connecting with the people who are willing to give you what you need rather than just getting what you want. It’s about understanding what it means for them to give it, and helping them understand what it means to you to receive it. Because the art of asking is also the art of saying “Thank you.”
It’s the art of letting people know how much you value their contribution and what it really means to you. Whether they’re giving money or letting you into their space, the giver is opening up to you. There’s a really poignant point in the talk where she describes her relationship with the people she’d thank as a statue, and the connection they would make. Y’know what? Just check out her talk below.
Also, Dan and I will be zombies this weekend because it’s Headshots from the Heart, so there won’t necessarily be a roundup. that doesn’t mean nothing cool happened though, so go check #CCHexup on Twitter to see what we found. See you next week, when I’ll talk about the power of saying thank you.
